Neo-con Twats

When will the IMF fuck off and die in a fiery, bloody pit of horror and pain? They have come out saying that Australia needs, as a matter of urgency apparently, to drastically increase the retirement age and hack back universal healthcare provisions and other welfare entitlements. This is the only way we are going to emerge from the Global Financial Crisis.

Apparently, the fact that the Government is actually doing what it has a responsibility to do (that is, you know, actually govern and provide the services which taxpayers want and expect) is putting our economy in peril. And here's me thinking it was because of the greed of deregulated international banks and lending agencies and governments obsessed with lopping off their core regulatory responsibilities in favour of a quick buck. As advocated by the IMF. Silly me.

It is at times of major financial stress that citizens rely on their governments to provide stability and chart a course out of the uncertainty. The IMF proposes governments cast off all responsibility and leave it to the markets to fix the problems. Which the markets themselves caused. Does anyone else see the problem with this picture?

Only unified action by world governments to rein in corporate irresponsibility, to control the risky lending practices and outrageous salary packages of executives, and to boost domestic spending capacity through well-targetted relief packages and infrastructure spending can this crisis be averted. Not by dismembering the core functions of government and outsourcing the welfare of the population to private industry.

One quote, contained in the IMF's own statement, is particularly chilling. "Times of crisis have in the past provided opportunities for enacting unpopular reforms" - translation: Ram through legislation that is just plain wrong and against the interests of the citizenry while they are more concerned with hanging onto their jobs and keeping their households afloat.

This sort of thinking got us into this mess. It has proven to be a complete failure. It cannot save us from it.

Leaving on a jet plane.

Hey kids!

So I'm totally outta here for 6 and a bit weeks on my big Indo adventure.

Check out my blog (when I get time to update it) at http://tdogabroad.blogspot.com!!!

Excitement all round.

Catch yas soon.

Are You In The Money?

I woke up this morning with a sense of excitement and anticipation...it's stimulus time! No, I hadn't woken up feeling amorous, just thrilled by the knowledge that from today, over $10 billion in taxpayers money is going to be returned to those who need it most, those who have contributed and will continue to do so to boost our economy and secure our future.

Bam! Take that, youthful wide-eyed naivety! Morning radio and my daily paper is full of stories about the Government urging us all to spend our way out of recession. Fantastic...with what? There a bunch of reasons why me, you, and thousands like us should, but won't, be receiving anything from the Government.

I'm:

• Gay - therefore stereotypically predisposed to spend money frivolously on clothing, hair products, sequins, Streisand Christmas albums, lunching, booze and hiring handymen to do even the simplest of tasks. Business falls over itself to attract the "pink dollar" and the Government should utilise it.
• a Student - therefore never have any money, so more predisposed to spending the lot at breakneck speed just in case Centrelink realises they have made a mistake and asks for it back.
• a Contributing Taxpayer - unlike the 80% (according to the Oz's numbers guru George Megalogenis) of Australian families who, when Family Tax Benefit and Childcare Rebate is taken into account, PAY NO TAX AT ALL, I have contributed both through income tax and HECS repayments to the surplus in the first place.
• Young and healthy - I go to the gym, have all my own limbs, rarely get sick, don't go to doctors, don't take up hospital beds, don't have access to or use Bulk-Billing or the PBS. At the same time I hold down a job, pay bills, go to uni, deposit money in the bank, use a credit card and pay it off every month and still find time to go to the pub, shops and all manner of other economy-boosting activities. Unlike pensioners, who hoard everything, conduct banking through a slit in a mouldy mattress out the back, and will willfully continue to live on a diet of Snappy Tom, lambs necks and their own invective even as they are showered with our tax dollars.

Students and the unemplyed are just as desperate for assistance as pensioners and carers, yet are deemed unworthy or irresponsible. All while yet more money is thrown at the wombs of middle Australia. I thought Howard got voted out?

Is it really you?

To my dearest blog,

Oh god, I'm so sorry, how I have neglected thee! You know I've been so busy with study and all, and since the end of that 3 weeks ago, I've been busy with....coffee and beer and the gym and the sun. All perfectly acceptable pasttimes after what has surely been the semester from hell.

You know I'm not one to complain (cough), but it truly has been epic. Much with the work. Ironically more work than I've done ever at uni for my lowest ever marks, but hey it had to happen sooner or later.

So here's what's been crackin. Worked on online paper. Weekly copy deadline while working the newslist for the following week (cue bunch of actual journos poo-pooing, but it was actually pretty labour-intensive given uni group politics). Plus my usual essays, presentations, wank sessions from all other units. While I wasn't crafting architectural models from my own scrotum like some poor students I know, it was a fair amount of work.

Add to that work shenanigans, booze, poverty, sharehouse living, a newly-discovered gym obsession and an equally-concerning addiction to vinyl and all-things-Xmas opshopping and times have been intense indeed.

But all that is past. And I'm back! For more amusing reminiscences. Stay tuned for the newly minted Milkd item and customer codes (Flazza = flat white, Lazza = latte).

And I'm in two minds about whether to do it here or start an all new blog for my rapidly approaching sabbatical to Jakarta! I leave New Years Day, so prepare for Thom's tales from the land of dysentry, headscarves, no poofters and rendang!

That's why I got the spot I'm sure, cos of my cultural sensitivities, innit.
Yep.

I'm a real boy!!

So, this semester I have more work than a prossie during World Youth Day, and you may not be hearing much from me.

...That is to say, not hearing much from me on here. "Why is that, Thom?" I hear you ask...

I'm one of the lucky folks churning out our uni's newspaper this semester. But it ain't your usual uni piece of slop (I'm looking at you, Grok), it's actually not bad. Voted best uni publication in Australia and NZ last two years running to be precise. Ooooh.

So, jump aboard the love boat kids. It's called 3rd Degree and you can sign up and have it sent to your email each week! What an age we live in!

Check it out here

The results are in, thanks Rick!

A specially-commissioned Channel Seven Pulse of Perth phone poll has found 95% of viewers support P-plate drivers being banned from high-powered vehicles.

Of the voting viewers, 94% supported the banning of young people having access to nuclear weapons, 92% supported the banning of young people driving any sort of vehicle at all, and 84% supported the banning of young people altogether.

Cans and Can'ts

Can't Really Be Bothered At The Moment:

• Going to the gym - it was all going so well, complete with protein shakes and the like, then the weather decided it would try every possible trick to freeze my bollocks off and I lost all interest in stepping out from under my doona
• Going to...the Scotsman - I know it will be passing, but at the moment, the Scotto really isn't doing anything much for me. Went there last Wed night, and the crowd was completly putrid. Awful. Sob. Thinking the Rosemount from now on...
• Following Kevin Rudd's prescriptive drinking suggestions - boo, you wowser. I"ll drink what I like thank you. Darwin has provided me with all the lifestyle tips I require. Kevin, the man with the can of XXXX on Cup Day, is now nowhere to be seen. He was beaten to death by some poor teenage slapper desperate for a cheap premixer.
• Getting ready for uni. I got the best marks ever last semester. I don't care to go back and repeat the experience.

Can be bothered:

• Careers - this is quite possibly the best boardgame ever invented.
• Wii - finally got my hands on one, nearly put my shoulder out playing tennis, but hey, good times.
• watching Wipeout - a true revelation. Television was made for this purpose. The tuesday night crapfest on Channel Nine rocks my box. (See also, Ladette to Lady - go the boilermaker!!!)
• filling out pages and pages of forms - I love forms. Yes I'm sick, maybe I spent too long working at Da Link, but I love completing a form. Currently on the go: passport (Australian), passport (British), application form for Indonesian work placement (25+ pages of it). Recently completed: Tax Return, Uni Enrolment, Tax File Number Declaration for work (again).

Some of the finest lyrics ever penned...

I've commissioned my good friend and keen harpist Michelle to get to work on this little ditty.

Hopefully onstage at the Rosemount in late August...I may be up there with her...

WWJD 4 WYD?

Well, the Pope is in Australia. I feel better.

I view public displays of religious fervour in much the same way as I view screaming children in cafes or public displays of sucking face - unnecessary, distasteful, and best left behind closed doors.

And perhaps, one would assume living in a largely secular nation, a nation generally apathetic towards all things religious, would provide some fair cover from this sort of unpleasantness. It's not the done thing here, and for most people in Australia, religion is (and should be) a relatively quiet and personal pasttime. Like knitting.

Then comes the World Youth Day bandwagon with its gaudy colours, banging drums, range of sensibly-priced merchandise (available at all Target stores) and of course the full military lockdown of Sydney, complete with imposing fencing and snipers on rooftops. And suddenly, the telly is plastered with pictures of weeping pilgrims. The Australian has led with a story on the Pope every day this week (what he did today? Monday, took a stroll near a pond. Tuesday...see previous). This is promoted as an event for all Australians.

Well, its not. The vast majority of Australians are not actively practicing Christians, let alone child-begatting, poofter-hating Catholics. We are one of the most ethnically diverse and religiously diffuse nations on Earth.

There was a time, post-Cold-War but pre-9/11, when optimism about securing a peaceful planet abounded. America engaged with the UN, nations around the world were embracing democracy, and developing nations such as China and India began surging ahead, allowing wealth to trickle-down (albeit shockingly slowly) to their impoverished populations. Religion at this time was on the wane, seen as outdated for failing to keep up with societal expectations on how women, gays and other groups should be treated. The Church was roundly criticised for its appalling and deadly stance on contraception (particularly in the wake of the AIDS crisis) and the terrible attacks on US abortion clinics.

Jump forward a decade, and things are very different. 9/11 has inspired a virulent wave of hardcore religiosity. This so-called "Clash of Civilisations" between the traditionally Christian West and the "Fundamentalist Islamism" of the Middle East has encouraged a fevour not seen since the Crusades. They ended well. Where once we would have viewed any overtly religious public display as unnecessary and potentially offensive in a pluralist society, we now only view Islam in this way. Practitioners of "hardcore" Islam are to be feared, while fundamentalist Christians are sometimes poked fun at, but generally left to their own devices. Toleration of all religions has been written off as being "politically correct", rather than a core part of liberalist democracy.

So no. I'm not all that fucking keen on World Youth Day actually, thankyou SBS with your 6 hours of live coverage today. I'm not happy with my newspaper keeping me "in touch" with the Pope's visit. And no Channel Seven/Nine/Ten/ABC/Fox/SBS, I don't want to see his mass in full on your website.

Although if I must do something to get into the spirit of Catholicism supposedly filling our cities with love, I'll have the hot alter boy who was standing behind the Pope at the big mass thing today. Come on, as Catholics, I'm sure you've already had him...

Thankyou Channel Seven News!!

God I love commercial tatt!!

Obviously, a family axe murder frenzy in a country town is a big story. Even more so when the one survivor, the mother, is a police woman. Even bigger considering it was the granddad what done 'em in.

But jeeeeeeesus, Paul Kadak made the absolute most of it, with footage of cop cars, shocked locals and overhead helicopter footage of...a drained pool. Puh-puh-pummmmm. He even managed a tie-in with the terrible murder-suicide on the commune a week ago, with the line "Now Cowra too is having to deal with the tragedy of the death of children!" What a pro!!

But the best bit was a wonderful, rat-faced, mulleted bogan-skank, missing a front tooth, who very matter of factly stated "this sort of thing isn't supposed to happen in country towns."

The pause was just long enough for one to start pondering where exactly a frenzied and bloody family axe-murder is supposed to happen (...Adelaide....), when the rat-mole kindly provided the answer.

"This should happen to them city folk, not to us out here in the country!!"

God's people indeed.

Three hookers and their mum...

I get that I'm not the intended target audience...I get that I may perhaps have slightly different tastes from the average suburban "buy me clothes, a diamond, get me knocked up then become father of the year" kind of cheap slapper.

But fuck me...the Sex And The City movie was one of the worst things I've ever had the displeasure of sitting through fifty minutes of!

What a pile of shit! And worse, all of the life from the show has been sucked out of it (presumably by the four sucubi parading about like a haggisses on heals) and replaced with a really nasty greedy grasping slavishness to consumerism and enforced female helplessness.

I didn't stick around to the end, or even to the halfway point, of this stinker. I found the overarching themes abhorrent - consume at all costs, labels are everything, smugness is the new black. All so far from the original show, which was actually fun, quite insightful at times, and quite entertaining.

Miranda was always my favourite character. In this, she becomes the "look what a career does to women" sort of character - a pin-up of what not to do for the stay-at-home brigade.

Samantha is ridiculous as ever, only without the snappy lines. The writing was terrible. Plus she looks like a fucking sheep's stomach full of offal in a frock.

Charlotte was as annoying and insipid as ever. And Kristin Davis could not be paid enough for having to kiss that bald fat fuck. Blergh.

Meanwhile, Carrie...I think Peter Griffin said it best: "Sarah Jessica Parker?? They let her on TV and she looks like a foot!!"

Wise words indeed.

Pant-Creamingly Excited!!!

This band...this woman...are coming to Perth!!!!

Yes the lineup for Parklife has been announced, and although I am fond of making a big statement, it would not be foolish of me to say that this is the best lineup for an event possibly ever. Atleast in recent memory.

Peaches (fuck yeah!), Dizzee Rascal, Blackalicious, Grafton Primary, Slyde, Ajax, Plump Djs, Soulwax, 2ManyDJS (super cool) and GOLDFRAPP!!!!?!!!

So excited. Tickets on sale July 16. I'll pawn my goods to go. I'll sell my mother to go. I'll beg on the street if required. I'm so there.

Little bit of poo...

I am a creature of leisure at present, having escaped the shackles of uni for yet another semester, and this frees me up for the next 8 weeks to focus on the important stuff I feel...

Like list making.

Likes:

• Reading - a once-again discovered joy, laying around in bed reading a book (or more specifically, my new book People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks...most engrossing read) is totally awesome, especially when it isn't at all uni-related.
• Coffee - well duh, I make it for a living. But my god coffee is good. And our coffee is particularly good. Milkd Maylands, come say hi.
• Low-Carb Beer - it sounds terrible, but I have been on an ab-drive, and it is almost starting to pay off if the lighting is at just the right angle. Pure Blonde is assisting me with my enquiries.
• eBay - I'm now officially addicted. The thrill of the deadline drawing near, the sweat that breaks out when you think some other fucker may snare that beautiful vintage t-shirt you've been drooling over, and the utter joy when you bag it for yourself. Also the shame when you realise that in fact you are the only person who gives a shit about said shirt. Although this is again somewhat mitigated by the pleasure you get from knowing you paid only $5.99 for it. Hurrah.
• Kerry - living with her completely rocks.

Dislikes:

• China - no, I will not submit every aspect of my life for scrutiny just to get tickets to the opening ceremony you oppressive cunts! You either accept the Olympics, the world descending on you and the hence the unobstructed media access and scrutiny, or don't put your red, democracy-hating, religion-suppressing, dissident-beating, Tibet-invading hands up for it in the first fucking place. I'm officially boycotting the Olympics. If they piss me off enough, that boycott may even extend to the men's diving...
• Bad Coffee - if you wouldn't drink it yourself, don't serve it up to other people. And if you can't serve it in a timely manner, don't bother doing it at all...I'm looking at you, entire Mt Lawley cafe strip...
• Sharehousing, or certain aspects of it - shoes in your room, dishes in the dishwasher, used underpants not in the middle of the fucking bathroom. There, not that fucking hard is it?!?
• Malcolm Turnbull - I have gone from having a grudging respect for and a genuine interest in whatever he had to say to hating his snide, spin-obsessed, contradictory, populist crap. He is a highly-intelligent man, why won't he let it show?
• Eggs - maybe it's because I have to poach, scramble, put salmon on, grease up, and be abused about them all day at work, but man I'm just really over eggs. Don't want them anywhere near me. Bizarre I know, but there ya go.

Spotted...

10AM - Milkd Maylands.

..Thom absent mindedly poaching eggs for someone with more money than sense..

Suddenly in walks...the biggest, fattest, loudest, most gargantuan and terrifying drag queen you ever did see. In a Girl Guide's outfit no less. At 10 in the morning!!

Kind of like this, but even more wrong...

Not old....just near death

Thank you very much 6PR!!!

Y'all can see my previous post about the evils of old age (self-interest, self-pity and obsolescence to name but a few), and today just made it worse.

On what was an otherwise gloriously sunny winter's day in Perth, a grey cloud hung over the Town Hall. Whinging pensioners, over 400 of the bastards, whinging about being broke on their benefits.

Ok, before I get accused of being a cold, heartless, insensitive young person, I do have a lot of respect for our older members of society. Those who have lived rich and full lives, contributed in their own way to and taken pride in this country we all call home.

But I just hate this endless woe-is-me carping that is being allowed to be broadcast to all and sundry on the nightly news. I don't need to hear it. It isn't news. Do what any business lobby, or think tank, or even student union does and become an organised and legitimate voice.

Weeping on television about how hard it is living on $540 a fortnight isn't going to help your cause much. Although we would all agree that is fuck all to live on, it is a damn sight more than the $330 a fortnight I get, or the unemployed person down the street gets, or the tormented asylum seeker gets. Plus their rent assistance, plus their now $500 utilities allowance, plus telephone allowance each quarter, and the $540 a fortnight figure seems a little rubbery.

Of course they deserve more money, especially as many are of an era where the pension was expected to be the norm. Now it is all about super. But this group also has the benefits of home ownership, and can always sell up and downsize a lot easier than the rental house of 4 students, artists and hospitality workers I live in. Form a group, become an actual lobby, and get your point across in the effective and dignified manner that everybody else does!

It doesn't cost anything, and getting your message across with a bit of self-respect and decorum is far more effective than baring your wrinkly tits. There.

I'm officially putting this subject to bed. I'm done with it.

And while I'm on the topic...

The Democrats finally sorted out their ridiculous circus of determining their candidate for the presidency.

The result? Barack Obama.

The real result for the Democrats? Another four years without any chance of a Democrat in the White House.

Obama is unelectable. Hopelessly compromised by Reverend Jeremiah Wright, a seriously dodgy property scandal, a fast-talking loose cannon for a wife, a message ("change") that doesn't mean a thing, his very public musings on guns and religion, and especially, though no-one will admit it, his race, he hasn't got a hope in hell.

I would love to be proved wrong. Most of those "failings" I've just listed are actually reasons I would like to see him elected (save for the dodgy property deal, but hey, everyone likes a bargain). Unfortunately however, I doubt he will be able to overcome these perceived drawbacks.

John McCain is the real winner today.

Change the US can believe in.

Today marked an historic change in direction for the US political, environmental and economic systems. It wasn't the Democrat Party nomination finally being decided (and not before time), but something far more interesting.

General Motors, purveyors of the Hummer among other evils, today announced the closing of four plants dedicated to the production of SUVs and 6-cylinder "pick-ups", the gas-guzzling, parking spot-hogging, child reversing menaces that have choked our streets (and air) for far too long. They are choosing to focus instead on "green" cars, hybrids and electric zero-emission cars.

Before we all get too excited about this, it is worth thinking how this came about. It wasn't due to the benevolence and sound-management of GM, and it wasn't down to the incessant lobbying of green groups. It certainly wasn't due to any directive from the White House.

It was driven by consumers - with rising gas prices, people have flocked to smaller, greener vehicles, resulting in an over 30% reduction in SUV sales. The Hummer, longtime flagship cunt-vessel of GM, is even reported to be on the chopping block.

So while this is certainly testament to the power of the dollar in driving real reform, it also shows just how fickle consumers can be. This is not some green-awakening as some comentators are suggesting. It is driven by cold, hard economic reality. Gas guzzlers cost a fortune to run. Petrol is now very expensive and going ever up.

I would like to think people were concerned about the environment. But they aren't. Once again, it is only dollars that speak to the masses. So while this change can only be a good thing for the environment, how long will it last once petrol prices stabilise or governments cave in to populist calls for petrol tax reduction???

Bless you mysterious French woman...

I was a little unsure at first, I've had it for about 6 weeks, but I've decided the new album by Camille is completely fantastic. It took me a while to grow into. Its weird. Its disgustingly pop-tastic at times, and yet would never ever be played on commercial radio. Its also so bloody catchy that I find myself humming odd little snippets at the most confounding of times, like today in a supermarket checkout while the emo behind the counter looked on in disgust.

Most of all, the track "money note" is fantastic. It sounds like some sort of uber-gay nightclub anthem, and is even more so once you actually decipher her lyrics. "If Dolly Parton wrote it, if Whitney Houston stole it, if Celine Dion could reach it...I'm gonna hit the money note. I just wanna beat Mariah". Hilarious.

Her second album (first released in Oz) "Le Fil" was completely brilliant. Although I don't think this one is as good as a whole, it still completely rocks. She even records her splashing in a bath as an instrument. Go you crazy French girl